How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less (Nicholas Boothman, 1999)

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Who is the book “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less” for?

“How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less” is aimed at a broad audience, including:

Professionals in Sales and Marketing: Individuals who need to quickly establish rapport with clients and customers to improve sales and foster long-term relationships.
Business Executives and Managers: Leaders who want to enhance their interpersonal skills to better motivate and manage their teams.
Individuals in Customer Service: People who need to quickly establish positive interactions with customers to provide effective service and resolve issues.
Job Seekers: Those looking to make strong first impressions in networking situations and job interviews.
Social Networkers: Individuals interested in expanding their social circles, making new friends, and improving their social interactions.
Public Speakers and Presenters: Individuals who need to quickly connect with and engage their audience to effectively communicate their message.
Anyone Seeking Personal Development: People interested in improving their communication skills, self-confidence, and ability to connect with others on a personal level.

Top 10 actionable advice from the book “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less”

The book “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less” by Nicholas Boothman offers practical advice for improving interpersonal skills and building rapport with others quickly. Here are ten actionable pieces of advice from the book:

1. First Impressions Matter

Focus on making a positive first impression within the first few seconds of meeting someone through your body language, smile, and eye contact.

In “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less,” Nicholas Boothman emphasizes the critical importance of first impressions and provides insights on how to make them count. The book highlights that people form opinions about others within the first few seconds of meeting, so making a positive initial impression is crucial. Here are some key insights from the book related to making a strong first impression:

Non-Verbal Communication: Boothman points out that much of our communication is non-verbal. Before you even speak a word, your body language, facial expressions, and eye contact convey powerful messages. A warm, genuine smile and direct eye contact signal openness and confidence, inviting positive interaction.
The Power of a Smile: A smile is one of the simplest yet most powerful tools for making a good first impression. It signals friendliness, openness, and positivity, making others more inclined to engage with you.
Eye Contact: Making appropriate eye contact shows that you are engaged and interested in the person you are meeting. It’s a key element in establishing trust and rapport from the outset.
Handshake: A firm and confident handshake can reinforce a positive first impression. It’s a universally recognized gesture of greeting that, when done correctly, conveys confidence and openness.
Attire and Grooming: Your appearance plays a significant role in first impressions. Dressing appropriately for the occasion and ensuring you are well-groomed shows respect for yourself and others, and it can significantly influence how you are perceived.
Positive Energy: Projecting positive energy through your demeanor, facial expressions, and overall attitude can make others feel more at ease and drawn to you. Positivity is infectious and can set the tone for the entire interaction.
Attentiveness: Demonstrating attentiveness and interest in the other person makes them feel valued and respected, fostering a positive connection from the very beginning.

Boothman’s insights emphasize the importance of being mindful of the signals we send through our non-verbal communication. By focusing on these key elements, we can significantly influence the first impressions we make and lay the groundwork for positive and meaningful interactions.

2. Use Open Body Language

Adopt an open and inviting posture. Avoid crossing your arms or legs, as these can be perceived as barriers to communication.

In “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less,” Nicholas Boothman highlights the significance of open body language as a critical tool for making positive connections with others quickly. Open body language is a non-verbal form of communication that signals receptiveness, friendliness, and a willingness to engage. Here are some insights from the book related to using open body language effectively:

Posture: Adopting an open posture is key. Stand or sit in a way that shows you are approachable and receptive. This means avoiding closed postures such as crossing arms or legs, which can signal defensiveness or disinterest.
Mirroring: Mirroring the body language of the person you are communicating with can create a sense of empathy and rapport. This should be done subtly and naturally to avoid appearing as if you are mimicking the other person.
Facial Expressions: Your face says a lot about your openness to communication. Maintaining a pleasant facial expression, with relaxed features and a genuine smile, invites others to engage with you.
Gestures: Use open gestures, such as showing your palms or keeping your arms relaxed by your sides, to convey honesty and openness. Avoid gestures that might signal nervousness or defensiveness, such as fidgeting or touching your face.
Proximity and Orientation: The physical distance between you and the person you are talking to can affect the interaction. Standing too close may be perceived as intrusive, while too far can seem distant. Orienting your body towards the person, without invading personal space, shows engagement and interest.
Eye Contact: While not strictly body language, maintaining appropriate eye contact is an essential part of appearing open and engaged. It shows that you are focused on the person and interested in the conversation.
Nodding: A simple nod while listening can communicate that you are engaged and following the conversation, reinforcing the sense of openness and connection.

Boothman emphasizes that open body language is not just about how you stand or gesture but is part of a holistic approach to communication that includes your attitude, facial expressions, and the energy you project. By consciously practicing open body language, you can make others feel more at ease, foster trust, and create a positive environment for building rapport quickly.

3. Master the Art of Small Talk

Engage in light, friendly conversation to break the ice and establish a connection. Show genuine interest in the other person.

In “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less,” mastering the art of small talk is presented as a vital skill for quickly building rapport with others. Nicholas Boothman emphasizes that small talk serves as the foundation for deeper conversations and is essential for breaking the ice and establishing initial connections. Here are some insights and strategies from the book for mastering small talk:

Be Genuinely Interested: Show genuine interest in the other person. This encourages them to open up and share more about themselves. Your attentiveness signals that you value the conversation and are engaged in what they have to say.
Use Open-Ended Questions: Instead of asking yes-or-no questions, pose open-ended questions that encourage the other person to elaborate. Questions starting with “who,” “what,” “where,” “when,” “how,” or “why” lead to more interesting and extended conversations.
Listen Actively: Active listening involves fully concentrating on what is being said rather than just passively hearing the message. Use verbal affirmations, nodding, and appropriate facial expressions to show that you are engaged and interested.
Share About Yourself: While it’s important to focus on the other person, sharing relevant details about yourself can make the conversation more reciprocal and build trust. Keep it balanced; the conversation should not become one-sided.
Find Common Ground: Look for topics of mutual interest. Discovering shared experiences, hobbies, or opinions can quickly bond two people and make the conversation flow more naturally.
Keep It Positive: Aim to keep the conversation light and positive. People are generally drawn to positivity and are more likely to enjoy the interaction if it leaves them feeling good.
Practice Active Observation: Pay attention to your surroundings and the context of the meeting, as these can provide conversation starters. Commenting on a shared situation or environment can be an effective way to initiate small talk.
Be Mindful of Body Language: Your non-verbal cues can support the conversation, showing that you are relaxed, open, and interested. Remember to maintain open body language throughout the interaction.
Ease Out Gracefully: Knowing how to smoothly exit a conversation is just as important as starting one. Look for a natural pause or conclusion, and express appreciation for the conversation before parting ways.

Boothman’s advice highlights the importance of small talk as a tool for building connections and the need for a genuine, engaged approach to these initial interactions. By mastering small talk, individuals can pave the way for more meaningful relationships and positive interactions.

4. Synchronize Body Language

Mirror the body language of the person you’re talking to in a subtle way to create a sense of empathy and understanding.

In “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less,” Nicholas Boothman introduces the concept of synchronizing body language as a powerful technique to quickly build rapport and make others feel more comfortable. This strategy involves subtly mirroring the body language, gestures, and expressions of the person you’re interacting with. Here are key insights and guidelines from the book on how to effectively synchronize body language:

Subtle Mirroring: The essence of synchronizing body language lies in the subtle replication of the other person’s posture, gestures, and movements. This should be done discreetly and naturally to avoid making the other person feel mimicked or uncomfortable.
Matching Tone and Pace: Along with physical gestures and posture, try to match the tone of voice, pace of speech, and even breathing patterns of the person you’re talking to. This creates a sense of harmony and can make the conversation feel more engaging and connected.
Building Empathy: Synchronizing body language goes beyond mere mimicry; it’s about establishing a deeper empathetic connection. By reflecting someone’s body language, you’re non-verbally communicating, “I’m with you” and “I understand you,” which can make the person feel validated and heard.
Respect Personal Space: While synchronizing body language, be mindful of personal space. Different cultures and individuals have varying comfort levels regarding physical proximity, so it’s important to observe and respect these boundaries.
Use It Sparingly: Synchronization should be used judiciously and should not be overdone. The goal is to make the other person feel at ease, not to make them conscious of being mirrored. If done excessively, it can come off as insincere or invasive.
Cross-Cultural Sensitivity: Be aware that certain gestures and body language can have different meanings in different cultures. What may be considered positive and open in one culture might be interpreted differently in another.
Lead and Follow: As the conversation progresses, you might find opportunities to gently lead the interaction by changing your own posture or gestures and seeing if the other person follows suit. This can be a subtle way to guide the flow and energy of the conversation.
Emotional Congruence: Ensure that your body language is congruent with the emotional tone of the conversation. Synchronizing body language while maintaining an emotional disconnect can come across as disingenuous.

Boothman’s advice on synchronizing body language is grounded in the principle of non-verbal communication playing a crucial role in building rapport. By effectively mirroring the person you’re engaging with, you can foster a sense of connection and trust, making it easier to establish positive relationships quickly.

5. Active Listening

Show that you are actively listening by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and responding appropriately to what the other person is saying.

In “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less,” Nicholas Boothman places a strong emphasis on the importance of active listening as a key component in building rapport and making meaningful connections with others. Active listening involves fully concentrating on what is being said rather than just passively hearing the speaker’s words. Here are detailed insights from the book on how to practice active listening:

Give Full Attention: Active listening requires giving your undivided attention to the speaker. This means setting aside distracting thoughts and focusing on the speaker’s words, tone, and body language. It’s important to make eye contact and orient your body towards the speaker to show that you are fully engaged.
Show That You’re Listening: Non-verbal signals such as nodding, smiling, and maintaining an open posture can convey to the speaker that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. These cues encourage the speaker to continue and share more openly.
Provide Feedback: Reflect on what has been said by paraphrasing or summarizing the main points. This shows that you are processing the information and actively engaged. Feedback can also come in the form of asking clarifying questions to deepen your understanding of the subject matter.
Defer Judgment: Active listening involves withholding judgment and not interrupting with your own stories or opinions. The goal is to understand the speaker’s perspective fully before forming or expressing your own views.
Respond Appropriately: Active listening culminates in responding in a way that affirms the speaker’s message. This could involve expressing empathy, offering insights, or simply acknowledging the speaker’s feelings and thoughts. Your response should be honest and respectful, aiming to continue the dialogue in a constructive manner.
Practice Empathy: Try to put yourself in the speaker’s shoes to understand their emotions and viewpoint. Empathetic listening can help break down barriers and create a stronger emotional connection.
Avoid Assumptions: Be cautious not to jump to conclusions or make assumptions about what the speaker is saying. Clarify and confirm your understanding before responding.
Encourage Sharing: Use encouraging words and questions to invite further details or explanations. This can help the speaker to open up more and share deeper insights.

Boothman underscores that active listening is not just a skill but an act of respect and care for the person speaking. By practicing active listening, you signal to others that their thoughts and feelings matter, thereby fostering a deeper connection and mutual respect. This approach not only helps in making people like you but also in building lasting relationships.

6. Use People’s Names

People love hearing their names. Use the person’s name in conversation to personalize and strengthen the connection.

In “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less,” Nicholas Boothman emphasizes the significance of using people’s names as a powerful tool to create a positive and immediate connection. The book underscores that a person’s name is one of the most important sounds to them, carrying emotional weight and identity significance. Here are some insights from the book on effectively using people’s names:

Personal Connection: Using a person’s name in conversation makes the interaction more personal and engaging. It signals to the individual that they are important to you and that you are paying attention to them, which can make them feel valued and respected.
Memory Recall: Boothman highlights the importance of making an effort to remember and correctly pronounce people’s names. This shows respect and attentiveness, traits that are highly appreciated in social and professional interactions.
Repetition for Reinforcement: When you meet someone for the first time, try to use their name a few times during the conversation. This can help with memory recall and also reinforce the feeling of rapport. However, it’s important to do this naturally and not overuse their name, which can come across as insincere or manipulative.
Positive Association: Hearing one’s own name can create a positive emotional response. This is because people associate their names with their identity and individuality. By using someone’s name, you’re effectively tapping into these positive feelings.
Attention and Engagement: Using a person’s name can help draw their attention and keep them engaged in the conversation, especially in group settings or when distractions are present.
Respect and Courtesy: In professional settings, using titles and surnames can convey respect and formality. Understanding when to use a more formal address versus a first name is crucial in building rapport in different cultural and professional contexts.
Correct Pronunciation: Taking the time to learn the correct pronunciation of someone’s name is a sign of respect and care. If you’re unsure how to pronounce a name, it’s perfectly acceptable to ask the person to clarify.
Use in Conclusion: When wrapping up a conversation or saying goodbye, using the person’s name can leave a lasting positive impression and reinforce the connection you’ve established.

Boothman’s approach to using people’s names as a tool for rapport-building is rooted in the psychological impact of personal recognition and the value of personal connection in human interactions. By thoughtfully incorporating someone’s name into your conversations, you can significantly enhance the quality of your interactions and the relationships you build.

7. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Encourage others to talk about themselves by asking questions that require more than a yes or no answer.

In “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less,” Nicholas Boothman emphasizes the importance of asking open-ended questions as a key strategy for engaging others in meaningful conversation and building rapport quickly. Open-ended questions are designed to encourage more than just a yes-or-no response, prompting deeper discussion and sharing. Here are insights from the book on effectively using open-ended questions:

Encourage Elaboration: Open-ended questions require the respondent to provide more detailed answers, encouraging them to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This can lead to richer, more engaging conversations.
Show Genuine Interest: By asking open-ended questions, you demonstrate genuine interest in the other person’s perspective and experiences. This can make the person feel valued and respected, fostering a positive connection.
Facilitate Discovery: Open-ended questions can help uncover common interests, experiences, and opinions, providing further opportunities to deepen the conversation and the connection.
Enhance Listening Opportunities: These types of questions give you the chance to practice active listening, an essential component of building rapport. As the other person shares more detailed responses, you have more opportunities to listen, understand, and respond thoughtfully.
Avoid Leading Questions: Ensure that your open-ended questions are neutral and non-leading, allowing the other person to express their genuine thoughts without feeling guided or judged.
Use Conversation Starters: Open-ended questions can serve as great conversation starters, especially in new or unfamiliar social settings. Questions about the person’s interests, work, or recent experiences can open up the dialogue.
Encourage Storytelling: People often enjoy sharing stories about themselves. Open-ended questions can prompt storytelling, which is a powerful way to build empathy and understanding.
Practice Flexibility: Be prepared to follow the conversation’s natural flow, which open-ended questions often facilitate. The discussion may take unexpected but enriching turns.

By integrating open-ended questions into your interactions, as Boothman suggests, you not only make the conversation more interesting and dynamic but also signal to others that you are truly interested in who they are and what they have to say. This approach can significantly enhance the quality of your interpersonal relationships.

8. Give Genuine Compliments

Offer sincere compliments to make others feel appreciated and valued. Ensure that your compliments are specific and heartfelt.

In “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less,” Nicholas Boothman highlights the power of giving genuine compliments as a way to connect with others quickly and positively. Genuine compliments can break the ice, create a positive atmosphere, and make people feel appreciated and valued. Here are some insights from the book on effectively giving genuine compliments:

Sincerity is Key: The most important aspect of giving a compliment is sincerity. People can usually tell when a compliment is not genuine, which can have the opposite effect of what you intend. Make sure your compliments come from a place of genuine appreciation.
Be Specific: Specific compliments are more impactful than general ones. Instead of vague praise, focus on a particular quality, action, or achievement of the person. This shows that you are observant and attentive to what makes them unique.
Acknowledge Effort and Skill: Compliments that recognize someone’s effort, skill, or talent can be especially meaningful. Acknowledging the hard work behind someone’s achievements can boost their confidence and motivation.
Timing Matters: The timing of a compliment can greatly affect its impact. Offering praise at the right moment can enhance its sincerity and significance. For example, complimenting someone on a job well done immediately after a presentation can be particularly powerful.
Use Compliments to Connect: Compliments can serve as conversation starters and a way to find common ground. For instance, complimenting someone on an interesting piece of jewelry and asking about its story can open up a personal and engaging dialogue.
Balance is Important: While compliments can be powerful, overdoing them can come across as insincere or ingratiating. Aim for a balance that feels natural and appropriate to the situation.
Non-Verbal Compliments: Remember that compliments can also be non-verbal. A smile, nod, or other positive body language can convey appreciation and approval.
Avoid Backhanded Compliments: Ensure that your compliments are not backhanded or could be interpreted negatively. The goal is to uplift the person, not to inadvertently insult them or undermine their confidence.

Boothman’s advice on giving genuine compliments underscores the idea that acknowledging and appreciating the positive aspects of others not only enhances their self-esteem but also fosters a positive and supportive interaction environment. By practicing the art of giving genuine compliments, you can contribute to building more meaningful and enjoyable relationships.

9. Find Common Ground

Look for topics of mutual interest to establish a connection. Sharing common experiences or interests can build rapport quickly.

In “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less,” Nicholas Boothman emphasizes the importance of finding common ground as a crucial step in building rapport and establishing a connection quickly. Finding common ground involves discovering shared interests, experiences, or opinions that can serve as a foundation for a conversation and relationship. Here are some insights from the book on how to effectively find common ground:

Ask Open-Ended Questions: Use open-ended questions to explore the other person’s interests, experiences, and opinions. These types of questions encourage more detailed responses, providing opportunities to identify shared interests or experiences.
Listen Actively: Pay close attention to what the other person is saying, looking for cues or mentions of topics that you also relate to or have an interest in. Active listening not only helps in finding common ground but also shows that you value the other person’s perspective.
Share Personal Stories: Share your own experiences and interests in a way that invites connection. When you open up about yourself, it encourages the other person to do the same, increasing the chances of discovering common ground.
Highlight Shared Experiences: When you identify a shared interest or experience, highlight it and delve deeper into the topic. This reinforces the connection and can make the conversation more engaging and meaningful.
Be Genuine: Ensure that your attempts to find common ground are genuine. Pretending to share interests or experiences that you do not genuinely relate to can come across as insincere and may undermine trust.
Use Environmental Cues: Sometimes, the environment or context in which you’re interacting can provide clues to common ground. For example, attending the same event might indicate a shared interest or purpose that can serve as a conversation starter.
Adapt and Be Flexible: Be open to exploring topics that may not be your primary interest if they are important to the other person. Showing willingness to engage in what matters to them can foster goodwill and rapport.
Respect Differences: While finding common ground is important, it’s also crucial to respect and appreciate differences. Acknowledging and showing interest in the differences between you and the other person can also strengthen the connection.

Boothman’s approach to finding common ground is based on the premise that shared interests and experiences are the building blocks of rapport and connection. By actively seeking and highlighting these commonalities, you can quickly establish a positive and engaging relationship with others, laying the foundation for deeper conversations and interactions.

10. Positive Energy

Project enthusiasm and positivity in your interactions. Positive emotions are contagious and can make others feel good about being around you.

In “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less,” Nicholas Boothman emphasizes the significance of projecting positive energy as a key factor in making people feel comfortable and drawn to you. Positive energy can be infectious, creating an atmosphere that encourages openness and connectivity. Here are some insights from the book on how to effectively project positive energy:

Smile Genuinely: A genuine smile is one of the most straightforward and powerful ways to project positive energy. It signals friendliness, openness, and warmth, making others more likely to respond positively.
Maintain a Positive Attitude: Cultivate a positive outlook and approach interactions with optimism. A positive attitude can help in overcoming initial barriers and can set a constructive tone for the conversation.
Use Positive Language: The words you choose can significantly impact the energy you project. Use positive, affirmative language and focus on solutions rather than problems. This can help in creating a more uplifting and encouraging interaction.
Express Enthusiasm: Show enthusiasm and interest in the conversation and in the other person’s thoughts and experiences. Enthusiasm can be contagious and can make the interaction more engaging and enjoyable.
Body Language: Adopt open and inviting body language to reinforce your positive energy. This includes maintaining good posture, using open gestures, and orienting your body towards the person you are interacting with.
Be Encouraging and Supportive: Offer encouragement and support in your interactions. Being a source of encouragement can make others feel valued and uplifted, enhancing the connection.
Listen Actively: Active listening not only shows that you value what the other person has to say but also contributes to the overall positive energy of the interaction. Being fully present and engaged demonstrates respect and care.
Focus on the Positive Aspects: Even in challenging situations, try to focus on the positive aspects or the potential for positive outcomes. This doesn’t mean ignoring problems but rather approaching them with a constructive mindset.
Energy Matching: While projecting positive energy is important, it’s also crucial to be sensitive to the other person’s energy and mood. Sometimes, matching your energy level to theirs can be more effective in creating rapport, especially in more subdued or serious situations.

Boothman’s advice on projecting positive energy is rooted in the understanding that emotions are communicable and that a positive demeanor can significantly influence the dynamics of an interaction. By consciously projecting positive energy, you can create a more conducive environment for building rapport and making lasting connections.

These tips are designed to help individuals quickly establish a connection and make a positive impact on the people they meet.

10 thought-provoking questions inspired by the book “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less”

How do first impressions impact our ability to build lasting relationships?
In what ways can active listening transform everyday interactions?
What role does body language play in non-verbal communication and rapport-building?
How can asking open-ended questions deepen our understanding of others?
What is the significance of using a person’s name in conversation, and how does it affect their perception of the interaction?
Can genuine compliments truly influence the course of a conversation or relationship, and if so, how?
How important is finding common ground in establishing a connection with someone from a different background or culture?
In what ways can projecting positive energy influence the mood and outcome of an interaction?
How can the principles of making people like you in 90 seconds or less be applied in professional settings, such as job interviews or networking events?
What are the ethical considerations in consciously using techniques to make people like you, and where should one draw the line to avoid manipulation?